No one, apart from Uncle Charlie, wears the hat for long, and the plastic trinkets never make it past Boxing Day, but the one thing we all love (especially after a sherry or two) is the cracker joke.
Now you can enjoy all the festive fun you need right here! We’ve rounded up the best ones from our Fuel Oil News community to keep you smiling (or groaning!) all the way through the turkey dinner.
Pull up a chair and prepare for the punchlines…
Emma Allinson, Mechtronic
What’s every elf’s favourite type of music? Wrap!
Erick Baron, Otodata
What’s the best gift to give a fuel company? A little tank-you from Otodata!
Fiona Bellairs, Magnus Monitors
What’s black ‘n’ white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
Zoe Blackhall, BoilerJuice
What do you call an elf who works in heating oil? A fuel-tide helper.
David Blevings, NIOIL
Which athlete is the warmest in winter? A long jumper!
Rory Clarke, Rix Petroleum
What is Santa’s favourite music? Wrap!
Tammy Coates, SBZ Corporation
Why did the dog sit next to the fire on Christmas Day? He wanted to be a hot dog!
Lauren Cordelle, CTS
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea!
Matthew Crockett, Craggs Energy
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas? Deep pan, crisp and even!
Paul Craddock, Bedford Fuels
What do you call a blind reindeer? No idea.
Ken Cronin, UKIFDA
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Peter Davidson, Tank Storage Association
I got a Christmas card full of rice in the post today. I think it was from my Uncle Ben.
Jacquie Davies, Hytek
What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker!
Tony Devlin, Unite
How can you tell when a highland cow is going on holiday? It’s got a wee calf.
Paul Durham, FAST
Why did the fuel additive get invited to Christmas dinner? Because it made everything run more smoothly.
Ben Firth, Mechtronic
Why did the Christmas tree have to give up knitting? It kept losing its needles!
Ethan Halfpenny, Harlequin
What do you call an elf wearing headphones? Whatever you want, he can’t hear you.
Mike Hancock, Avioxx
Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks.
Leanne Hardy, Par Petroleum
What do you call an old snowman? Water.
Geoff Henderson, Phillips 66 Limited
Why did the scarecrow win an award at Christmas? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Duncan Lambert, Rix Petroleum
What’s brown and sticky? A Stick!
Caroline Lumbard, Greenergy
Have you heard about Rocket the brown-nosed reindeer? He can run as fast as Rudolph, but he just can’t stop as fast!
Howard Marriott, Barton Petroleum
Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there.
Gavin Milligan, Strangford Fuels
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.
Bahvna Mistry, Phillips 66 Ltd
Why do reindeer like Beyonce so much? She sleighs.
Phil Murray, WCF
What did the drummer name his two daughters? Anna 1, Anna 2…
Helen Needham, Callow Oils
Who never eats Christmas Dinner? The turkey as it’s stuffed!
Emma Osborn, Halso Fuels UK
What do elves post on social media? Elf-ies.
Tom Ower, Compass Environmental
Why wouldn’t Ebenezer Scrooge eat at the pasta restaurant? It cost a pretty penne!
Thomas Reissmann, FoxInsights
What does Santa Claus have when he gets stuck in the chimney? Claustrophobia.
John Reynolds, Reynolds Training Services
Why did the red nosed reindeer help the old lady across the road? Because it would have been Rudolph him not to!
Chris Rickwood, Tank Top
What did one hat say to the other? You wait here. I’ll go on a head.
Matt Ryan, Compass Fuels
What do you call Santa when he stops moving? Santa Pause.
Dawn Shakespeare, UKIFDA
What do you get if you eat a Xmas decoration? Tinsel-itis.
James Spencer, Portland
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 24 days!
Alison Sweeney, Worldpay for Business
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
Joanne Swift, Mabanaft
Why did Santa have to go to the hospital? Because of his poor elf.
Neil Turnbull, Sentinam
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
Rupert Turner, Phillips 66 Ltd
When is a turkey dinner bad for your health? When you’re the turkey!
Simon Van Lonkhuysen, Tec
What do you call a reindeer that can’t see? No eye deer!
Neil Wallis, ETCC Associates
What’s a heating oil distributor’s favourite Christmas song? Baby, it’s cold outside!
Andrew Walkden, ESL Fuels
What do you call Santa when he takes a break? Santa Pause!
Simon Whibberly, EA Projects
What’s the rudest texture? Bumpiness.
Alex Wolfe, Wolfe Power Club
Why did the turkey join the band? Because it had the drumsticks.
